The United States Army has recently decided their plans to counter the foreign invasion plaguing the nation.
On Wednesday evening, April 1 the United States Army officially decided their course of action in regards to the recent threats being made against the well-being of American society. The attorney general stated that he plans on tackling the matter with full force.
"We plan on organizing a unified front in direct opposition to these foreign invaders. The United States will not tolerate such perverse actions on its soil." -- William Barr
When asked for his comment after his announcement, the attorney general refused to speak because he forgot that he left the oven on at his estate. There are plans for a press conference next Friday for additional details.
The next United States Army conference will happen on April 10, 2020 at 4:20pm via Zoom. The access code is 342-055-495.
The army is currently encouraging all citizens to stay in the safety of their own homes until all of this blows over. We plan to use any means necessary to eradicate any threat to our wonderful way of life that we built completely by ourselves with no help from anyone else. Worry not, because just how we did with those damn Commies we will eliminate any enemy of the United States of America.
If you would like to join the cause, go to goarmy.com and enlist today in the fight for our freedom. When you enlist you will be put in the ranks of generations of hard-working men who have given their lives for us today. Simply go through rigorous physical training, drain yourself of all emotional and mental capability outside of taking orders, and then in five or so years you can go to college for free with a guarantee of 50% of your limbs or we will bury you in Arlington as an apology.
コメント