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Writer's pictureFrank DeTanque

United Nations Faces Hardest Decision in Decades

Leaders of countries from around the globe all gathered last evening to discuss one of the most hot button issues to date. Tensions were high and voices were raised in this one of a kind international debate.



Americans are well aware of how much the pandemic has shaken up the world, and with all this confusion we look to our leaders for guidance. In a historic meeting this past Thursday evening at 8:30/7:30pm central standard time voices from around the globe discussed what actions to take moving forward. Calls have been heard from far and wide for additional supplies due to the massive shortages of necessary materials to combat the virus; however, there were arguments over the methods in which to distribute them. Officials from the countries of England, Germany, China, and the United States all declared their uncertainty as to whether or not to grant supplies immediately or to wait.

"While there are multiple confirmed cases within our borders we will stand strong and get back to working for the nation that we adore as soon as we can! I think it will sort itself out in the end" -- Margaret Thatcher

The Chinese delegate at one point in the night brought up an alternative method to end the virus permanently and save money. Their team of field alchemists recently concocted a cure that is currently in its testing stage. While effective in some cases, it is still unsure if this would be a viable option moving forward. However, after stating the price of the supposed cure the United States immediately clambered to claim it. Offering gross amounts of charity money, it was sold to be mass produced for the United States.


The Cure costs $3.50 to make and a flu mask costs $5 to make. The Cure will be sold exclusively through CVS Pharmacies for $130 a bottle and masks will be in production starting this October just in time for Halloween.


We couldn't ascertain the ingredients of the cure, however we were told that it was organic but definitely not vegan. There will not be a vegan option being produced, so don't ask. The United States plans on producing 2 million tons of this cure by October at which point they will be simultaneously sold and tested at CVS counters. Bring in your savings card and save 5% on your next purchase!


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