The United States and Chinese governments have officially decided to blame bats for the spread of the virus and are planning to eradicate the species by this November.
During this pandemic millions of Americans are being forced to stay at home and practice social distancing. This has caused a shutdown in most businesses and the economy has taken a massive hit. The White House office is getting billions of tweets every day from concerned citizens, wondering when they can resume life as normal.
"I'm just like really bored. Can we speed things along so I can have Zumba again?" -- tweet from local mother
The government has heard all of these complaints and has decided to finally do something about the matter. During a zoom meeting with the Chinese government last Friday afternoon the president attempted to place the blame on the Eastern nation in order to put the controversy to rest. However, after asking for disaster compensation for the large amounts of medical care being utilized the government of China rudely reminded us how much we owed them over trade deals and other matters as they subsequently denied our request. Following heated back and forth debates for hours between anxiety-ridden translators, the governments ended up deciding upon a solution -- get rid of all bats.
In the coming months the state plans to eliminate over three million bats as a method of eliminating the spread of the virus
any further.
The Chinese government respectfully reminded the president that the virus started from bats in one of their marketplaces, not from the Chinese themselves like the president originally thought. So in a brand new treaty deal the two states have teamed up to eliminate the offically declared "rats with wings". Their plan to make bats totally extinct should be fully completed by election night so that the president can use it during His re election campaign.
If you would like to volunteer to help get rid of the bats, the government is distributing nets and mallets to all volunteers. Simply follow the link below to sign up and receive yours now! Together we can live in a bat-less world so sign up now! We would love it if you signed up with one or two of your friends! Tell them to tell their friends to sign up too! There may not be much hand sanitizer but we have plenty of mallets! Sign UP!
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